10 Signs You’re Dating Someone Who’s Still Hung Up on Their Ex – and How to Tell for Sure

When you enter a new relationship, the last thing you want is to feel like you’re competing with the ghost of your partner’s past. But sometimes, the person you’re dating may still be emotionally attached to their ex, even if they don’t realize it—or even if they’re not being fully honest about it.

Being in a relationship with someone who’s still hung up on their ex can be emotionally exhausting. It creates a barrier to genuine intimacy and trust, leaving you feeling like you’re constantly competing with memories that aren’t your own. So, how do you tell for sure if your partner is still carrying emotional baggage from their past relationship? Here are 10 signs to look out for, along with advice on how to navigate the situation.

1. They Talk About Their Ex Often (and Not Just in Casual Conversation)

One of the most obvious signs that your partner might still be hung up on their ex is if they talk about them frequently, especially in ways that seem unnecessary or out of context. If your partner brings up their ex’s name or details about the past relationship in conversation—without any direct reason to do so—it could indicate that they haven’t fully let go.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Lack of emotional closure: If your partner keeps mentioning their ex, it’s a sign they might still be processing their feelings or haven’t gotten the closure they need.

• Makes you feel less valued: Repeated references to their ex can leave you feeling like you’re playing second fiddle to a past relationship, which can erode trust and intimacy.

What You Should Do:

• Gently address it: If your partner talks about their ex often, calmly express how it makes you feel. Let them know that you want to build your own relationship and that dwelling on the past can prevent that from happening.

2. They Compare You to Their Ex (and Not in a Positive Way)

If your partner often compares you to their ex—especially if the comparisons are negative—it’s a clear indication they haven’t fully moved on. Maybe they say things like, “My ex always did this,” or “My ex would have handled it better.”

Why It’s Harmful:

• Unfair comparison: You are not their ex, and comparing you to someone else can make you feel inadequate, like you’re being measured against a standard that doesn’t even apply.

• Keeps the ex alive: Constantly comparing you to their ex keeps the past relationship alive in their mind and makes it hard for you to form your own place in their heart.

What You Should Do:

• Set boundaries: Politely let your partner know that comparisons to their ex aren’t helpful and that you want to be valued for who you are, not measured against someone else’s memory.

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3. They Keep Pictures, Gifts, or Mementos from Their Ex

One of the clearest signs that someone hasn’t let go of their ex is if they keep physical reminders of the past relationship—pictures, old gifts, or mementos. If these items are kept around, they can create an emotional barrier to building something new with you.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Unresolved attachment: Keeping physical objects from their ex suggests that your partner still has emotional ties to that person. It can create unnecessary competition for your attention and affection.

• Lack of respect for your relationship: If your partner hasn’t made an effort to remove these mementos, it can feel like they’re not fully committing to you and the new relationship.

What You Should Do:

• Have an honest conversation: Address the presence of these items and explain that you feel uncomfortable with them. Suggest putting them away or discarding them to make space for your relationship.

4. They’re Overly Protective of Their Ex

While it’s normal for people to maintain some level of friendship or respect for an ex, if your partner goes out of their way to defend or protect their ex—especially when it’s not warranted—it could be a sign they are still emotionally invested.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Emotional attachment: Defending or protecting an ex too much can indicate that they haven’t emotionally detached from them.

• Creates tension in your relationship: If your partner constantly defends their ex, it can make you feel like they’re not prioritizing your feelings or the new relationship.

What You Should Do:

• Talk about boundaries: Have a clear conversation about your comfort levels regarding interactions with exes. Set mutual boundaries to ensure that both of you feel respected in the relationship.

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5. They Don’t Want to Discuss Their Past Relationship (Or They’re Secretive About It)

On the flip side, another sign that your partner might still be hung up on their ex is if they completely shut down conversations about their past relationship. While it’s understandable to have privacy, being overly secretive or defensive about the past could mean they’re not ready to be open and vulnerable with you about it.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Avoidance of emotional processing: If your partner refuses to discuss their ex, they may be avoiding dealing with unresolved feelings or past trauma.

• Prevents closeness: A lack of transparency about their past can make it difficult for you to understand who they are, which can hinder emotional intimacy.

What You Should Do:

• Create a safe space for conversation: Encourage openness without being pushy. Let your partner know that you’re not trying to judge their past but that you want to understand them better to build a stronger connection.

6. They Still Have Strong Emotional Reactions to Their Ex’s Actions

If your partner has intense emotional reactions to things their ex does—whether it’s anger, jealousy, or sadness—it’s a clear sign that they’re still emotionally tied to their past relationship. Emotional baggage from a previous partner can show up in unexpected ways, especially when it triggers old feelings.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Emotional instability: Reacting strongly to their ex’s actions signals that their feelings aren’t fully resolved, which can create turbulence in your relationship.

• Insecurity: This behavior can also make you feel insecure and unsure of your place in your partner’s life.

What You Should Do:

• Discuss emotional boundaries: Talk about how these emotional reactions affect your relationship and encourage your partner to seek closure, whether that’s through self-reflection, therapy, or setting boundaries with their ex.

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7. They Aren’t Ready to Commit to You Fully

If your partner is hesitant or avoids making long-term plans with you, it might be because they’re still emotionally invested in their ex. Whether it’s avoiding the “what are we?” talk or hesitating to make future plans, this reluctance can indicate they aren’t ready to fully let go of the past.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Commitment issues: Avoiding commitment often stems from unresolved feelings. If they’re not ready to commit to you, it’s likely because they’re still holding on to the past.

• Uncertainty: If your partner can’t give you a clear answer about the future, it can lead to uncertainty and doubt in your relationship, which can be emotionally draining.

What You Should Do:

• Have an honest conversation: Express your need for clarity in the relationship. Ask them where they see things going and how they’re feeling about commitment. If they are still unsure, it may be a sign they need more time or closure.

8. They Overreact to Seeing Their Ex

Another major red flag is if your partner has an overreaction when they unexpectedly run into their ex or hear about them. This could range from extreme jealousy to intense emotional distress.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Unresolved emotional ties: An extreme reaction often indicates that the emotional attachment to their ex is still strong. This can create tension in your relationship, as it shows that your partner hasn’t fully moved on.

• It’s draining: Constantly dealing with emotional reactions tied to an ex can be emotionally exhausting for both partners.

What You Should Do:

• Encourage healthy boundaries: Talk about how both of you can navigate interactions with exes respectfully, with emotional maturity and a focus on your relationship.

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9. They Avoid Talking About the Relationship with You

If your partner is hesitant or avoids talking about your relationship altogether, it might be because they’re still reflecting on their past connection. Sometimes, people use avoidance as a way of protecting themselves from getting too emotionally vulnerable or from confronting the feelings they still have for their ex.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Lack of clarity: Avoiding important relationship discussions makes it difficult to build intimacy and understanding. It can also create feelings of insecurity or confusion.

• Emotional block: Avoiding the relationship discussion may mean they’re emotionally blocked from committing or growing in the relationship.

What You Should Do:

• Create space for open dialogue: Encourage honest, open conversations about the relationship. Talk about your needs, expectations, and what you both want from the future.

10. They Still Interact with Their Ex Regularly (and You’re Not Comfortable With It)

It’s natural for some people to remain friends with their ex, but if your partner still interacts with their ex frequently, especially in ways that make you feel uncomfortable or excluded, this can indicate unresolved feelings.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Lack of respect for boundaries: Frequent interaction with an ex, especially when you’re uncomfortable with it, can show a lack of respect for your boundaries and emotional needs.

• Emotional attachment: Continuing to interact with an ex regularly can signal that your partner is still emotionally tied to them.

What You Should Do:

• Set clear boundaries: Discuss your feelings about their relationship with their ex and establish boundaries that both of you can agree on. Ensure that both of you are comfortable with the dynamic.

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Conclusion: Moving Forward with Clarity

Dating someone who’s still hung up on their ex can be a difficult and emotionally draining experience. However, recognizing the signs early on can help you understand where your partner stands and whether the relationship has a healthy future. Communication and understanding are key—if your partner is open to discussing their feelings and working through unresolved issues, there may be a way forward. But if they continue to hold on to the past and fail to prioritize your relationship, it might be time to reevaluate your role in their life.

FAQs

1. How can I tell if my partner is emotionally attached to their ex?
Look for signs like frequent references to their ex, comparing you to their ex, or maintaining an emotional or physical connection with them. These can indicate unresolved feelings.

2. What should I do if I’m uncomfortable with my partner’s relationship with their ex?
It’s important to communicate openly and express how you feel. Set clear boundaries and discuss how you both can handle interactions with exes respectfully.

3. Can a person truly move on from their ex while still dating someone new?
Yes, it’s possible, but it requires emotional maturity and self-awareness. If your partner is still emotionally attached, it may take time, self-reflection, and openness to closure.

4. How do I handle jealousy if I’m dating someone with unresolved feelings for their ex?
Address the jealousy directly with your partner. Have an open conversation about your feelings and set healthy boundaries to ensure both partners feel secure and respected.

5. Should I stay in a relationship with someone who’s still hung up on their ex?
If your partner is not willing to address their emotional attachment to their ex, it could be a sign that they’re not fully ready for a new relationship. It’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being.