Are You Growing Apart? 7 Signs It’s Happening and What You Need to Do NOW!
Relationships evolve. People change, circumstances shift, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, we find ourselves drifting from those we care about. The process can be slow, almost imperceptible—until one day, you wake up and wonder, “Where did we go wrong?”
As someone who’s navigated long-term relationships—whether personal or professional—I’ve seen the subtle signs of drift, and I’ve experienced the heartache that comes with it. But I’ve also learned that while growing apart feels like the end, it doesn’t have to be.
In this article, I’m going to break down 7 signs that you’re growing apart and proven steps I’ve taken to rebuild connection.
Let’s dive in.
1. You’re No Longer Sharing Your Day-to-Day Thoughts
Here’s the deal…
At the beginning of a relationship, whether it’s a romantic partnership, a friendship, or even a work relationship, sharing the little things becomes second nature. You talk about your day, your thoughts, your dreams for the weekend. Those casual conversations are the glue that holds the bond together.
But over time, those exchanges can fade. You no longer share what’s happening in your day, and neither do they. Conversations become limited to logistics or surface-level pleasantries. This isn’t just a natural shift—it’s a red flag.
I remember working with a client—a senior executive at a tech firm—who came to me for relationship coaching. She admitted that her husband and she had stopped talking about their days months ago. Their conversations were now solely about the kids, finances, or what to watch on Netflix. Nothing about their hopes, frustrations, or personal milestones.
The catch? This lack of emotional sharing created a gulf between them. Both felt alone despite living under the same roof.
What You Need to Do NOW: Reignite those daily conversations. Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?” Even a 5-minute chat can bridge the gap.
2. You Feel Like You’re Living Separate Lives
At first, it’s about the little hobbies—one person loves running, the other prefers reading. Fine. But when those differences start growing, and it feels like you’re leading separate lives, that’s a problem.
It’s not just about different hobbies; it’s about different values, different schedules, and differing priorities.
Take a look at companies like Netflix and Hulu. They started with similar offerings but now operate in separate spaces. Netflix went big on original content, while Hulu doubled down on a diverse library, including live TV. They started out closely aligned, but their growth strategies and customer bases now feel worlds apart.
The bottom line? When two people in a relationship diverge too much, it becomes harder to bridge the gap.
What You Need to Do NOW: Find common ground again. What activities, dreams, or future plans can you both get excited about? Prioritize time together, even if it means scheduling it.
3. Intimacy Has Gone Cold
Here is the deal!
Intimacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about emotional closeness, physical touch, and feeling seen by the other person. When intimacy fades, both partners start feeling neglected, unimportant, or disconnected.
This might seem like an “obvious” sign, but it’s more subtle than you think. Often, intimacy dies not because of a huge fight or betrayal, but because of neglect—too many other things to focus on, or a general sense of complacency.
When I was navigating a rocky patch in a previous relationship, I noticed something small but profound. We hadn’t had an actual hug in weeks. Sure, we kissed, but the warmth, the closeness, was missing. It was like we were roommates, not lovers. Once I realized this, it was a wake-up call.
What You Need to Do NOW: Start rebuilding intimacy in small ways. Compliment each other, hold hands, make time for physical touch, and create space to talk about vulnerabilities. This is about reconnecting emotionally and physically.
4. You’re No Longer Interested in Their Opinions
Here’s why this matters…
At the start of any strong relationship, you value each other’s opinions. You seek advice, share perspectives, and appreciate each other’s insights. But when you start dismissing their thoughts, or worse, stop even asking for their opinions, it signals disconnection.
What You Need to Do NOW: Start seeking their input again—whether it’s on trivial matters like which restaurant to choose or bigger decisions like future goals. Show that you value their perspective.
5. You’re Too Busy for Each Other
The bottom line?
Life gets in the way. Work, social obligations, and family commitments all pull us in different directions. But being too busy is a symptom, not the cause. The real issue? You haven’t prioritized each other in the chaos.
My friend Sam worked for a high-growth startup, and his girlfriend worked in a completely different industry. Both worked late, traveled often, and had different social circles. Eventually, they started drifting because they were so caught up in their separate worlds.
What did they do? They agreed to a “date night” once a week—no work, no distractions, just them. It wasn’t easy at first, but gradually, it brought them back together.
What You Need to Do NOW: If you’re both too busy, schedule time for each other. Put your phones away, prioritize your relationship, and treat it like any other important meeting in your life.
6. There’s Constant Tension Without Resolution
Here’s the deal…
You argue, but the fights don’t get resolved. Instead, they’re swept under the rug, only to pop up again later. This cycle of tension—where things feel unresolved—leads to frustration and emotional exhaustion.
Expert Insight:
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, known for his work on relationships, found that couples who engage in conflict without resolving it are more likely to grow apart. Avoiding conflict doesn’t help. Instead, it builds resentment.
Case Study:
I worked with a company where the founders had a recurring disagreement about their business model. Instead of addressing the core issue, they kept blaming each other. As the business grew, so did their frustrations. Eventually, the tension became too much, and one of the founders left.
What You Need to Do NOW: Work on resolving conflicts, even when they feel uncomfortable. Engage in healthy communication strategies like active listening and compromise. Acknowledge the issue, and find common ground.
7. You’re Not Dreaming Together Anymore
Want to know the best part?
One of the most telling signs that you’re growing apart is when you stop dreaming together. At the start, you envision a future filled with possibilities. But when those dreams dissipate, it’s a sign you’re disconnected from one another’s vision for the future.
What You Need to Do NOW: Start sharing your dreams again—whether it’s personal or professional. What do you want to achieve together? The future doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Align your dreams and ambitions.
FAQ
- What are the first signs of growing apart in a relationship?
Some of the earliest signs can include a lack of communication, diminished intimacy, and feeling emotionally distant. If you find yourselves no longer sharing the small details of your day or no longer laughing together, it’s a red flag that something may be shifting.
- How do I rebuild intimacy if we’ve grown apart?
Start by reconnecting emotionally and physically. Engage in open, honest conversations about your feelings, create space for shared experiences, and make time for physical touch. Small actions like holding hands, hugging, or sharing quiet moments can reignite closeness.
- What if one person in the relationship doesn’t want to work on things?
It’s incredibly challenging when one person isn’t willing to engage. While you can’t control another person’s actions, it’s important to express your feelings and concerns honestly. If the relationship is important to you, gently encourage open communication and show that you’re committed to making it work.
- How can I balance work and relationship time to avoid growing apart?
Start by prioritizing your relationship, even amidst busy schedules. Schedule regular date nights or dedicated time together, and be intentional about disconnecting from work during these moments. It’s about quality, not quantity, of the time you spend together.
- Can growing apart in a relationship be reversed?
Yes, with mutual effort and a commitment to understanding and reconnecting, it’s possible to rebuild and strengthen a relationship. However, both parties must be open to change, willing to communicate, and proactive in rekindling intimacy and shared goals.
Final Thought
Growing apart doesn’t mean the end. It’s a wake-up call—a chance to reflect and rebuild. Relationships require work, but the rewards of renewed connection, closeness, and shared dreams are worth it.
